Have you ever been hurt so deeply by someone that you were angry with them—so angry that you didn’t want to be around them? We all know what it is like to be upset when someone else has done wrong to us—even in the church. Perhaps it was some hurtful words people said to you, or about you, which you heard about later. Perhaps it was a time when you really needed some help, and the other person didn’t help you but hindered you to get their own way. Perhaps it was when someone wasn’t honest and set you up to take the blame for something that was really their fault.
Sometimes we can be so hurt by someone that we might refuse to talk with them and exclude them and even subconsciously hope some misfortune comes to them. We might even let our anger get the better of us and want to get even with them. We might try to undermine them or even bully them. However those ways of handling the situation don’t really handle the situation, and in fact only make things worse. When we react in ways like this, we do the very same things that the person who hurt us did to us in the first place.
In last week’s Gospel reading, Jesus said that if anyone would be his disciple, they must deny themselves, take up their cross, and follow him. In today’s reading, denial of self, taking up one’s cross and following Jesus is particularly connected with how we are to deal with sin in the church.
Forgiveness is to be the core, central purpose of the life of the church—because true forgiveness can only be given and received in the church. Sin is not to be dealt with in our way, but Jesus’ way, who is ultimately concerned about forgiveness between God and our brother or sister, and between God’s children themselves. After Peter confessed Jesus as the Christ (the one anointed by God to bring saving help from heaven to earth) Jesus said: “…on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of hell will not overcome it. I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven; whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.” (Matthew 16:18-19).
In today’s reading, Jesus says this is not just restricted to Peter and the apostles, but to all the children of God: “Truly I tell you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven. Again, truly I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything they ask for, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven.” (Matthew 18:15-20).
The first ever sermon I preached as a pastor was on 1 Corinthians 13; the great chapter on love. In the sermon I spoke about forgiveness. After the service a member of the congregation came to me and said: “Pastor, I’m confused about what you said in your sermon. Do you really mean that we have to forgive people who have sinned against us?” As the conversation unfolded, I came to realise that the person wasn’t struggling with the idea of forgiveness generally, but with practically forgiving the person who had done wrong to their family.
To forgive others for the wrongs done to us can seem unfair—and in a sense, it is—especially when deep physical, emotional and spiritual damage is caused. However, we risk compounding that hurt and damage further when we don’t forgive. We end up binding ourselves to even more destructive behaviours: resentment, bitterness and rage—and potentially even consequences of revenge—which can be seriously unhealthy for us spiritually, psychologically, emotionally and physically.
When we carefully study Jesus’ words about binding and loosing in today’s text, they can help us understand what it means to forgive, and distinguish between what grace is, and what is not.
Forgiveness is not forgetting. That is one of the major misunderstandings of what forgiveness is. We can’t just forget sin against us, especially that which causes major hurt. Our brains are wired to remember harmful words and behaviours, to warn us against being hurt again in the future. Often people do try to forget wrongs done to them in attempting to deal with traumatic events—even creating alternate personalities—but that only results in deep psychological disorder.
So, forgiveness doesn’t mean we shouldn’t feel angry or hurt about what we have experienced. While we shouldn’t express our anger and hurt in destructive ways, our feelings in themselves are good because they are given to us by God to alarm us that something is wrong about the sinful behaviour that happened.
Grace doesn’t mean that we should accept or condone sinful behaviour. Often in the church God’s grace is misused by some to justify wrongdoing, expressed by the text “God is love” out of context. But grace doesn’t mean we turn a blind eye to wrongdoing and let people continue in dishonouring others. In fact it means the opposite—that we will strive daily to lead holy lives. Today’s text shows us that although grace is freely given to us, it is costly. Grace should not mean a life of indifference between self and God, and self and others. Grace does not mean it doesn’t matter how we live. Sin is a destructive power, gripping us so that our focus and will is only ever inwards, causing damage to ourselves and others. Instead, the process that Jesus gives to his church says that there should be accountability and sinful behaviour should be challenged:
“If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.”
Jesus says that if our brother or sister refuses to listen, the matter is to not stop there. Don’t tolerate evil. Continue to address it. Take other witnesses along. And if our brother refuses to listen to them, take it to the whole church—because there is to be no place for somebody with a spirit of independent, self-rule in the church.
The church is under spiritual attack when children of God deal with sin the way the world does. Crucially, Jesus begins by saying: “If your brother or sister sins against you go and point out their fault, just between the two of you.”
- We are not to air the faults of a brother or sister publicly as the world does, write them off, exclude them, or punish them by treating them unkindly.
- We are also not to approach our brother or sister and point out what we consider their faults and failings generally.
- We are not to approach them because they have not measured up to our expectations, standards, and values.
Instead, we are to approach a brother or sister when they have sinned—not defined by our standards and expectations, but according to the unchanging, overarching standard of God’s word. Jesus says we are to show them their fault, which is different to showing them our hurt. When we are wronged our depth of hurt is real, but also subjective and differs from person to person. Hurt can alarm us that what was done against us was wrong, but if unchecked it can also cloud the facts of what actually happened. Implicit in the process Jesus sets out for his church is the goal that the person who has sinned changes their ways so that people are protected from harm. In today’s world we are conditioned to believe that we should change our behaviours primarily when someone says they are hurt, not because the particular behaviour itself is necessarily wrong. That is a huge distinction we must be careful to make in the life of the church, because in an age which preaches that the greatest evil is offending others, sometimes the expression of hurt can be misused to shape directions and outcomes. This must not be so in the communion of saints. Only God’s word is to shape the future of the church.
Jesus says that if our brother or sister listens when they are approached, then we have won them over. When our brother or sister has listened to us, and confessed their fault, we are to forgive them from the consequences of their wrong—using the terminology of Jesus, to ‘let them loose’ from the consequences of their wrong. That is what forgiveness is. It is foregoing our will to get even and loosening those who are at fault from the consequences of their sin. We relinquish our urge to make those who have wronged us pay, punishing them for their offences. We are instead to pardon them even though they don’t deserve it. That is the same grace that God has first shown to us, when he relinquished his right to punish us for our sins and instead brought divine punishment for the sin of the world upon his own Son.
When we forgive others, we too are released from that which can become binding—bitterness and resentment, the secret desires for something to humble those who have wronged us, the binding grip of the flesh on our hearts that causes us to stumble by choking love with hate which does not reflect the image of God to our brothers and sisters. These come naturally to human beings, but they must not come naturally anymore for Jesus’ disciples, who must in everyway become like their Master.
Most importantly, Jesus doesn’t only give us a process, he gives us himself. Listen to what else he says: “For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them.” Throughout all these stages of reconciliation, the risen Lord of his church is truly present, even with two or three gathered in his name. That is such good news for us, because we have something far greater and more powerful than anything in the world. We have Christ and his power to strengthen us, support us, comfort and guide us, and to hold us accountable to bind and loose, forgive and bless.
Jesus goes before us, praying for us, mediating with us, while we go to our brother or sister. He is truly present even among two or three as we reconcile. In that confession, when you hear your minister or another Christian pronounce forgiveness to you, and you to them, know that this is the simultaneous proclamation from your Father in heaven. That’s why Jesus says: “Whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven”.
Sometimes it might seem unfair to us that we forgive someone who has hurt us so badly. It might feel better to get even with them instead. We might say: “It shouldn’t be up to me. Not my responsibility. They started it; they should come to me!” But when we pass judgment on our brothers and sisters, we pass judgment on ourselves also, for the times we have sinned against others. When we make ourselves judge and jury we place ourselves under our own structure of judgment and sentencing.
Imagine if God was like that. But God doesn’t judge us according to our standards. God didn’t decide to get even with us, or to wipe us off. Thank God that he doesn’t deal with us in that way or wait for us to come to him! Instead, God took the initiative when he sent his Son Jesus from heaven for you to be your Saviour. He didn’t wipe you off, but he wiped our debt of sin off when his own Son died on the Cross, so that we can be forgiven and be with him in heaven forever.
On this day that we commemorate the care and love shown to us by fathers, Jesus has reconciled us to God by his precious blood, so that we have a Father in Heaven. In this way, we can say that every day, for all of us, is Father’s Day. He has given us much more than we could ever deserve. He has given his own Son for us as a free gift, who calls us to share this forgiveness with our brothers and sisters as he goes with us, even as he says in our reading: “For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them.” Amen!
Pastor Tim Ebbs
St Paul’s Lutheran Church, Glenelg
Fifteenth Sunday after Pentecost, 2026
QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION
“God didn’t decide to get even with us, or to wipe us off. Thank God that he doesn’t deal with us in that way or wait for us to come to him!”
- What steps does Jesus give for dealing with a believer who sins against another believer (Matthew 18:15-17)?
- Why does Jesus instruct the offended person to speak with the person at fault first?
- What is the purpose of bringing one or two others into the situation?
- What role does the church play if the matter remains unresolved?
- What does Jesus mean by “binding” and “loosing” in verses 18-19?
- How does verse 20 relate to the process of church discipline and reconciliation?
- Why is grace, rather than punishment, the goal of church discipline?
- How do accountability and grace work together in this passage?
- How does forgiveness differ from ignoring sin?
- Is there someone in the church whom you need to forgive or seek forgiveness from?
- Have you ever avoided addressing a conflict? What were the consequences?
- What fears might prevent believers from confronting sin in a biblical way?
- How can we ensure that correction is motivated by love rather than judgment?
